I’m writing this now, today, even though I don’t plan on actually posting it for Quite Awhile. Why? Because I’m completely excited! In the immortal words of Danny Kaye “at last I can start suffering and write that symphony.” Only, in my case, it’s “that short story.” Only I’ve already been writing. Yeah, it’s exactly like that – only different.
What on earth am I talking about (because, you obviously haven’t read the title of my post?) I’m GETTING PUBLISHED!! That’s right. This little kittengirl is ON HER WAY! Recently, I submitted a short story that I had written several years back, to a project that’s being published by Bibliotheca Alexandrina – an anthology on sacred journeys. It was a story that had a voice very different than what I normally post – a (for me) very ethnic piece, that pays homage to my New Mexican upbringing. I’d written it as a response to a writing challenge, and never really thought about it since then, but as I felt that it fit the new project, I figured “what the heck – might as well try.” Apparently, they thought that it fit the project as well, as they accepted it.
My first thought, upon seeing the acceptance letter was that the project was probably a skeezy thing (self confidence? I have none.) My second thought was “do I need to get an agent now?” My third thought was “okay, so how do all of these rights things work? Obviously, I’m not going to be getting paid for this go around, but what if I wanted to get paid in the future – how does that work?” Which led right back in to the “do I need to get an agent now?” deal. My last thought was “okay, so, I’ve met my goal of getting published – do I want to continue to pursue this?”
And, that’s the question, isn’t it? I’ve always wanted to be published. Well, I’m getting published. So, technically, that means that I’ve met my goal, doesn’t it? Is it time to re-visit my life’s ambition? Is it time to make a new goal? Or… should I stop now? Going on is much scarier. It means not possible, but certain rejection. If I stop now, I don’t have to worry about that. I’ve made it. I’ve gotten published.
….but, this publication just means that someone thought that my words are worth reading. And, my friends and family – the same people who have told me over and over again that I have the talent to do this – they’re rooting me on. They think that I can do this. That I’m worth reading. So, stopping now… it somewhat feels like a betrayal to everyone who’s supported me. Someone thinks that I’m worth publishing. People think that I’m worth reading. That validates my feeling that I should be writing and should be pursuing this. So, I’m not going to go with goals, now. I’m just going to go after more.